What a horrible phrase, “Middle-Aged.” But there are clear signs and symptoms that you are deep in its thrall.
1. You don’t think it’s unreasonable to not see Fruit of the Looms sticking out above the waistline of the pants boys are wearing. What’s up with wearing those pants so low the crotch is at the knees? You look ridiculous waddling around like a freakin’ penguin. Pull those pants up and get a belt. Nobody wants to know if you wear boxers, tighty whities or if your undies are stripped. Also, you look stupid. Pull ’em up already!
2. Okay, what’s with those plugs in the earlobe? You do realize, right, that once your earlobe heals the around the enormous hole you made for those stupid things, you’ll ALWAYS have a hole in your ear? That is, unless you go have a plastic surgeon reconnect your upper and lower earlobe. Like with the pants, you look ridiculous.
3. Have you noticed the music they play in the grocery store? It’s not your parents’ music any more. Nope. Remember, *Girls Just Wanna Have Fun* even at the grocery store. Just don’t boogie your cart into someone else’s. *Ahem.*
4. Speaking of music, I haven’t heard any real music in YEARS. Okay, I’ll admit, I do like Michael Bublé…which leads to…
5. You like Michael Bublé, even though you’re convinced he’s only 12 years old.
6. Everyone younger than you by a couple of decades looks like they’re 12 years old to you.
7. You can’t believe that anyone can be 2 decades younger than you. Even if you have kids and you know they are. That’s different. Those are KIDS.
8. You don’t understand what the big deal about Ryan Gosling is. He’s 12 years old. And if you see another meme that starts off with “Hey Girl,” you’re going to scream.
9. When you look in the mirror and wonder when you turned into your Mom or Dad. It’s bad if you’re a woman and you wonder when you turned into your Dad. 😉
10. Stray black chin hairs. You have ’em. How mortifying. ‘Nuff said.